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A Heart is a Heavy Burden

by Matti Joy

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I don’t see what all the fuss is about There was always plenty of food in the pantry So many ways for us to spend our time As long as we spent it alone My grandmother told me stories Of apples for pennies fresh from the street corner And how her husband had bees in the back yard As the fruits of his labor filled his garden and lungs with blood For our bloody gods Keep the stock option over the broken homes Settle fevers with a fresh cut of sod Fill the hole in your heart with your children’s children
Pity 04:00
Her fingers like ice soothe my furrowed scalp Like lemonade on a fresh squeezed summer day Teasing from my mind the fear and worry Leaving me emptier yet fuller in a funny way And I pity the man who walks alone I feel the fear of never coming home Now that I’ve seen what love has shown I pity the man with the heart of stone The razors edge of loneliness cuts the mind Solitude is only worth how you spend your time The maw of eternity lies ahead As the empty spot beside me in my bed And I pity the man who sleeps alone Spending hours trying to find a soul in his phone The wind outside echoes and calls a weary moan I pity the man who won’t atone
It’s been a few years But the luggage is still Dusting in my attic Really thought I would’ve Donated it by now But nobody wants Useless broken zippers our faded, trendy roller bags of shit I couldn’t shake Why am I searching For ways to hate it there Just a wild imagination Trying to cope My god I’ve never been so close My god Help me find a another home Why am I searching For ways to hate it there Just coming up tired And empty handed
Alvarado, TX 03:17
They’ve been wondering When I’m gonna wake up smell the Roses grandma kept long after they were folding Things these days just Aren’t made like they used to be The phrases people say Just leaving reeling and Gotta find my own way, no matter where it goes Where I’m gonna end up, I’ll never know, I’ll never know For now just... Feel the mud squish all up through your toes Dirt and sunbeams melting all your woes Let the wind relax you for a time Waves are lapping softly at your mind Crackling campfires roasting weary feet Lean against a friend and feel complete No words as we stare into the coals Dying embers lighting up your soul Look back down my street The garbage heaps are gleaming Sunny highways lined With all the dying dreams and Little things could Make or break your weekends And the simple truth’s You’d never see it coming musta been Something in the water Something in the way it moved the trees Shaking back and forth just like my knees Stars in your mouth as it opened wide Brilliant teeth all shining with your lies Moonlight over empty soccer fields Dragonflies speed for their easy meals As the phrases slowly make their way Out of my hand into yours to stay
A heart is a heavy burden But it’s worth the weight in your pack But the truth is when you’re hurting It’s easier to turn your back on your own love When well pressed men come calling again Read carefully the way they treat the least when they think no one’s looking Wear your love on your sleeve Your bleeding heart will ever be the source of courage ‘gainst the man and When you hold your tongue to not offend Or make upset just once through starting an uncomfortable conversation Think of Innocent folks out there dying Empty spots at tables parents, siblings, children all are crying And so when armored vans run rampant on streets Here is something when you don’t know if anybody’s watching Try to stay on your feet I ain’t trying to say it’s anything to kid about an easy breezy But I can hear the people singing the songs Of angry men who will not wait so idly by while race and class try to divide us Long live the courage of the people Feed the fires and burn those cheap hells


The title of this EP was inspired by a line from Hayao Miyazaki's film "Howl's Moving Castle."

This EP speaks to the pain that come with caring and the struggles of righteously seeking what is good while trying to maintain harmony in your immediate communities.

There's no way to know what will happen, but seeing what's going on it's hard not to compare the methods of the opposing groups in our country and see a pattern in the history of the actions of an overpowered executive branch (Police) that's been wielding greater and greater unchecked power, often towards the already historically oppressed and disenfranchised with no repercussions.

Ultimately this documents my journey through the pain of slowly and truly connecting with the world after being withdrawn from it as a child. The tracks travel:

1. Granite City, IL - through the stories of my family's youth
2. Pity - Reframing my disgust and self-hatred as pity for what I've been
3. Prayer for the Reformed Hoarder - Trying to unpack my understanding of emotional baggage as old worn out luggage I've been keeping in the attic
4. Alvarado, TX - Trying to see the beauty and glow during the formative years of my adult life even amidst its hangups
5. A Heart is a Heavy Burden - Finally, wrapping up with this track about what might need to be done for the good of the future even if we carry the weight of our mistakes with us through and beyond.
At the end of the EP is a reprise of the opening track set in a cheeky, a capella traditional folk band style to lighten the mood and send the listener away laughing rather than just commiserating

Lyrics can be found here: bit.ly/AHIAHB


released August 7, 2020


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Matti Joy Bend, Oregon

Semi-Pro Gardener and Recording Artist due to COVID19

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